THE MARRIAGE BOND
And… What Scripture says about divorce & remarriage
G.H.H.
Foreword
It is important to recognize that “Married” signifies a
position taken at a definite time, and in a way that is recognized as such by
the “powers that be.” When a man and
woman come together they become “one flesh” (1 Cor.6: 16), but this in itself
is not marriage in the Scriptural sense, (John 4:18). Marriage is a legal thing, having some public recognition of the
event, as in John 2:1. The marriage
relationship is the consummation of the marriage. It is fornication if a man and woman have a relationship apart
from marriage (Genesis 34:1-31; 1 Cor.
6: 15-18). Even Cain’s wife was his wife when he had a relationship with her
(Gen.4:17).
If a married person commits adultery, he or she becomes “one
flesh” with someone else (1Cor.6:16), but this in itself does not break the
marriage. It is a very serious sin in
the eyes of God, requiring assembly action (Gen.39:9, Prov.6:32,33, 1Cor.
5:11-13. It is also a serious sin
against one’s partner because it breaks the tie between man and wife. It also brings down the solemn government of
God (2 Sam.12:10), but the marriage lawfully remains unless it is broken before
the “powers that be”, and on what ground?
Does God, if the marriage is
broken in a Scriptural way, allow remarriage?
Prayerfully looking at the following Scriptures will show us His mind in
these matters, but each case must stand on its own, and be considered before the
Lord who alone can give the needed wisdom.
This is what is meant by “priestly discernment” (Lev.13:5,6), for “the
Lord is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed.” 1 Sam.2:3.
There is perhaps one more point that should be mentioned
here. It is the question as to whether
the person was saved at the time of his or her divorce or remarriage. If he or
she professed salvation at that time, they are looked upon as coming under the
responsibility of the “house of God”. 1 Peter 4:17.
It is not one’s desire to put out any new teaching in regard
to this subject, but since it is pressed upon us by the sad breakdown of
marriage on every hand, one has sought to bring together what has been taught
by men of God in the past who trembled at God’s Word. One would commend it to the consciences of the saints of God,
desiring that we might be “joined together in the same mind and in the same
judgment.” 1 Cor. L:10.
THE MARRIAGE BOND
And…divorce and
remarriage.
One hesitates to bring in the thought of divorce and
remarriage when speaking of the marriage bond, for it is much more desirable to
speak of God’s plan for a happy marriage.
More than this it is most encouraging to know that there are many such
marriages, and to them the very word “divorce” is unsavory and repulsive. Indeed we read in God’s Word that “The Lord…. Saith that He hateth putting
away.” Mal.2:16. We can say at the very outset of this paper
that the Word of God never speaks of one being “free” to divorce, or “free” to
remarry. God “allowed” it under certain
circumstances but it should never be looked upon lightly.
Under the law “because of the hardness of their hearts,”
that is because the law was addressed to Israel as a nation, many of whom were
without living faith (Heb.4:2), God allowed divorce for many reasons, (see
Deut.24:l,1). Now in Christianity every
believer possesses a new life, and so the standard is much higher, as we will
see from the various Scriptures to be considered here in. One would like to speak first of the true
meaning of marriage, for when we have this before us, we then look at marriage
as established by God, and not according to the various opinions of men.
Marriage was instituted of God before sin entered the world,
and this is why, when the Pharisees asked the Lord about divorce and remarriage
in Mat.19, He took them back to God’s original plan when He formed Eve for
Adam. This is a principle in God’s
ways, that He sets a pattern before us
– His mind – and though He may make allowance for man’s weakness (though not
overlooking it) He will judge according to His original standard. And why was this original plan as to
marriage so important? It was a picture
of a far earlier plan in the heart of God, for we learn that it was God’s
eternal purpose (Eph.3:11) that Christ should have a bride, and marriage is the
figure of this (Eph.5:L22-33). It is
also used as a figure of the relationship of Jehovah to His earthly people
Israel (Isaiah 54:5).
When we see this in the Scripture it puts a new light on the
subject of marriage as Ephesians 5 shows us, and makes the subject of divorce
more humiliating. Is Jehovah going to
change all His promises to Israel? Will
He not in a coming day, in spite of all their unfaithfulness, rejoice over them
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride? (Isaiah 62:5). Will not Christ in a coming day, present His
bride to Himself “without spot or wrinkle or any such thing” in spite of all
her unfaithfulness? Thoughts like this
humble us, but they surely put a character on marriage that we would not see or
consider if we looked at it merely from man’s viewpoint.
In order to have a happy marriage we need to think of the
love Christ has for His church. What
kind of a church does He love? Surely
we have often failed to respond to His love, but His love has ever remained the
same. What has He done for His
church? He gave Himself for it. No sacrifice was too great to win us for
Himself, and to have us as His eternal companions in glory. No doubt if we remembered this love and this
self-sacrifice, many difficulties in marriage would be overcome, and love for
one another would deepen instead of weakening.
We tend to look for love instead of showing it, to expect our partner to
make sacrifices, instead of making sacrifices ourselves.
Then too, there is forgiveness, which Christ has shown to us
in times of failure. The very One who
bore our sins in His own body on the tree, now lives for us as our Great High
Priest to help us in our infirmities, and as our Advocate to restore us when we
have failed. Are we ready to forgive one
another rather than consider the breakup of a marriage? We have such a perfect
pattern for the marriage relationship in God’s Word, and above all the power by
the Holy Spirit to carry out, in our lives, al the things that are pleasing to
our Lord and Saviour. If anyone who
reads these lines is passing through a marriage problem, I would beseech you to
consider these things before the Lord, and if it seems difficult, remember that
the Scripture says, “He giveth more grace,” James 4:6 .
“For
out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He
giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.”
There is one more thing to be considered, unpopular as it
may seem in our day, and that is the place of the man and the place of the
woman in God’s creation and in marriage.
God has placed the man as head of the woman and calls upon the woman to
submit, just as Christ is the head of the church and the church’s place is
submission to Christ. (Eph.5:22-24)).
It is not that the man has
assumed the place of headship, for he has been put in that place by God. He may fail and has failed in fulfilling his
place, not holding it with wisdom and love, but it is his place. A wise wife will try to help her husband fill
his place, and not try to take his place for herself. A wife may fail in filling her place as a help meet for her
husband, but a wise husband will try to win the respect of his wife so as to
make it easier for her to submit. All
these things are like oil in the “machinery” to make things run smoothly. Sometimes we have to add oil too! It tends to get low under friction, and the
friction will increase if the oil is not added! The oil, no doubt, is love, made operative by the Holy Spirit.
Having spoken of the secret of a happy marriage, we must now
speak of what God has ordered in connection with divorce and remarriage. If the person or persons in such a case were
unbelievers at the time, they were not as responsible as believers for the
Scripture says “unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much
required” Luke 12:48. We know that an unbeliever does not possess a
new life and is not indwelled by the Holy Spirit, so we see that while God does
not lower the standard of His holiness – NEVER- He does make provision as He
did in Corinth, for what those there had done, before being “washed” (1
Cor.6:9-11). Some had sad and awful
records before they were saved, and then on receiving Christ as their Saviour,
they were not only cleansed from all sin in the precious blood of Christ (1 John
21:7), but they had the “washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy
Ghost” (Titus 3:4-7). They began afresh
as new creatures in Christ (2 Cor.5:17), and though they might have to reap
many sorrows for sowing to the flesh (Gal. 6:7,8) they were received into the
assembly at Corinth in a new position of responsibility, for judgment begins at
the house of God. (1 Peter 4:17).
Those who have made a profession of faith in Christ come
under the government of the house of God, and we read in Psalm 93:5, “Thy
testimonies are very sure: holiness becometh Thine house, O Lord, for
ever.” Then too, the reaping is more
serious, for “unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much
required.” Luke 12:48. God said to Israel, “You only have I known
of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your
iniquities.” Amos 3:2. When we look at God’s standards as to divorce and
remarriage, we must bear in mind that if a person enters into these positions
(divorce and remarriage) as a professing believer, he is much more responsible
than an unbeliever. One feels that this
is a serious and important point to bear in mind in regard to the measure of
guilt. The Scripture says, “That
servant which knew his Lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did
according to His will, shall be beaten with many stripes, but he that knew not,
and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few
stripes.” Luke 12:47,48. The assembly will have to consider these
things if one asks to be received at the Lord’s table.
In the comments that follow one has taken up the various New
Testament Scriptures that speak of divorce and remarriage, making a few simple
comments as to what one believes the Word of God teaches, and how it applies to
the assembly. It is important to bear
in mind that if a marriage is called “adultery” according to the truth of God,
then time does not change it – it subsists as such until death breaks the
previous bond. How important to
consider this before entering the forbidden relationship. How serious it is before God! What a loss of Christian privilege it
entails!
DIVORCE &
REMARRIAGE
Undoubtedly the following Scriptures would apply to man or
woman, “he” or “she”. This is confirmed
by Mark 10: 2-12.
Matthew 5:31,32
Under the law a man was permitted to give his wife a
“writing of divorcement” if he wished, and to “put her away” in this manner.
The Lord Jesus said in this passage of Scripture that now if
a man puts away his wife for any other reason than for fornication, he “causeth
her to commit adultery.” That is, he is morally responsible before God if,
after he “puts her away” (except for fornication) she commits adultery. In the original Greek in which the New
Testament was written, the word translated “put away” is the same Greek word as
“divorce.” This is very solemn, and it
shows us that it is not a question of how a man “puts away” his wife (for “put
away” and “divorce” are the same Greek word), if he “puts her away” for a
reason other than for fornication, he is the cause if she afterwards falls into
sin. In that case she is responsible
for committing adultery, but the Lord Jesus said that he also is guilty for
“causing” it. This makes us realize the
seriousness of a permanent legal separation which, if obtained as a moderated
form of “putting away” could make one morally responsible before God for the
sin of adultery. (see also 1 Cor. 7:5).
The Lord Jesus also said that if anyone were to marry the
guilty woman, he commits adultery in such a marriage.
Matthew 19:3-12
A man is not permitted to put away his wife for any other
reason than fornication. If he does put
her away for some other reason, and then remarries, he becomes guilty of
adultery in such a marriage.
If anyone were to marry the one who is put away for
fornication, he becomes guilty of adultery in such a marriage.
The innocent one, (i.e., not the one who broke the tie by
fornication), is not forbidden to remarry.
The Lord does not commend such a marriage, but said, when asked by the
disciples about this situation, “He that is able to receive it, let him receive
it.” I believe the Lord was teaching
that a believer might well hesitate about the wisdom of such a marriage, but it
was not forbidden.
Mark 10: 2-12, Luke 16:18
In Mark 10 we notice that the Lord speaks of either husband
or wife putting away his or her partner, showing that His directions in regard
to divorce apply to either man or woman.
Neither of these Scriptures mention the one exception (fornication) for
I believe it is important to realize that the Lord hates putting away (Malachi
2:14-16), though the other two Scriptures previously referred to in Matthew
show that He allowed it for fornication.
The reason for this omission is no doubt that He would teach us never to
look lightly on the marriage tie, for it is a figure of Christ and the
church. As Christians we possess a new
life, so that the offended partner can forgive rather than divorce. This is no doubt that “more excellent way.”
Romans 7:2,3
These verses as they read in the J.N.D. translation rather
refer to adultery while the marriage tie exists. The subject of faithfulness in marriage is introduced here as a
figure of a spiritual truth. God
intended that the marriage tie should only be broken by death (or at the Lord’s
coming) and the question of divorce is not considered here. However the verses in Matthew 19 show us
that fornication did break the bond, and therefore divorce was allowed when the
bond had been broken by fornication.
Divorce was then the legal procedure because “the powers that be are ordained
of God.” And before God, fornication
had already broken the bond. Divorce in
such a case was not required, but allowed.
The grace of God would enable one to forgive the guilty partner rather
than put away or divorce. “Be ye kind
one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s
sake hath forgiven you.” Eph.4:32.
1 Corinthians 7:15
In this passage the subject of desertion is taken up, and it
is clear that the Christian is not to leave the unbelieving partner. If he or she did leave, such were to remain
unmarried. (Verse 11). If, however, the
unbelieving partner were to leave, we read, “a brother or a sister is not bound
in such (cases).” (see J.N.D. translation).
Not being “bound“ refers to verse 39 where we read that, “the wife is
bound by the law as long as her husband liveth.” If, however, the husband or
wife is willfully deserted and divorced by the unbelieving partner, such is no
longer “bound” in the marriage relationship.
Of course each case must be examined before the Lord as to whether every
attempt was made to effect a reconciliation, and that the partner was not
driven away by harsh unkind treatment, but if the unbeliever willfully desert4d
his or her partner and obtained the divorce, the Christian is then no longer
“bound” in the Marriage relationship, nor is there any command here, (as there
is in the case described in verse 11)) forbidding remarriage in such a case.
1 Corinthians 6: 9-11
If the divorce (and perhaps remarriage) took place before
being saved, it should be made clear to him or her (or both) that as Christians
they should realize God’s order as to divorce and remarriage. The past could not be entirely forgotten,
for we reap what we sow (Gal.6:7). Nevertheless we see that, in the assembly at
Corinth, there were many sins of their unsaved days that would call for
assembly discipline if they were saved at the time, for judgment begins at the
house of God. (1Peter 4:17). They were
received as they were, when saved, as new creatures in Christ, the “washing of
regeneration” having taken place. Now
they were to be “careful to maintain good works” (Titus 3:3-8), and were under
the discipline of God’s assembly (1 Cor. 5:12).
Romans 6:17
It is important to see that our obedience is to be “from the
heart.” God desires obedience out of love for Him. A case might be technically clear according to Scripture, but
there may be circumstances such as an attitude that drives the partner away, or
even violence, or improper advances to another that could disrupt a home, so
that a Christian might cause the unbeliever to depart, or even obtain a
divorce. Priestly discernment is
required in each case, like the priest in Israel discerning if leprosy was
really at work when appearances were uncertain (Lev. 13:4-8), so that the
holiness of God’s house is maintained in every detail. “Thy testimonies are very sure: holiness
becometh Thine house, O Lord, forever.” Psalm 93:5.
It is not that we are superior to the evil in ourselves but
because the One in the midst is “holy and true” (Rev.3:7). In every instance
where such cases have to be taken up in the assembly, we should take our places
as part of the failure and eat the sin offering in the holy place (Lev.6:26,
10:17). We should never forget that the
Lord hates putting away (Mal.2:14-16) and that divorce came in because of the
hardness of our hearts. Love in the
marriage should overcome, and will overcome many difficulties.
May the Lord keep us in these last days, in the path of
obedience, knowing that “a little leaven, leaveneth the whole lump” (1 Cor.
5:6), and any unjudged evil defiles the assembly who allows it to remain
unjudged. The enemy would seek to
destroy the Christian Home and God’s assembly, and we need the Word of God to
direct us, the love of Christ to constrain us, and the power of God to keep us.
“O lamb of
God still keep us
Close to Thy
pierced side;
“Tis only
there in safety
And peace we can abide.” L.F.318.